Saturday, January 17, 2009

so hypoglycemia helps make a lame movie character lamer...?

Well. I don't know what to think about this. I have a Google alert set up for "hypoglycemia," and it has been going crazy this week as the film reviews for Paul Blart: Mall Cop have been coming out. Yes, that's right. Mall Cop. Apparently, the hapless suburban mall security guard is hampered in his dream of making the big time (becoming a state trooper) by his hypoglycemia, which makes him pass out at inappropriate times.

Clearly, we hypoglycemics are not being taken seriously. If we were, someone would've made a Lifetime movie about us by now. Instead, we get Paul Blart and about as much street cred as nearsightedness gets you. Well, I have nearsightedness, and I can confirm that the hypoglycemia sucks much, much more. It's not like I can just put on blood-sugar-fixing glasses that look cool and double as an accessory. No, I have to carry nuts everywhere. Did you know there's an arthritis foundation? Just saying.

Back to Mall Cop. So, it's probably not going to win any Oscars. On the bright side, this might finally be enough to get rid of Segways once and for all. The Hollywood Reporter made a valiant attempt to analyze it, while the Washington Post reviewer said, "If I were home sick and came across 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop' on cable, then discovered that the remote was wayyy on the other side of the room, I could lie on the couch and watch the entire thing without being unhappy." (For real, click the link, I'm not making that up.)

Maybe if I'm wiped out on my couch with low blood sugar, I'll do the same.


  1. So, I am reading your blog post via my iGoogle account and directly below the widget with your blog in it is a widget with Movies in LA. What is the top movie on that widget? Paul Blart: Mall Cop! I had to laugh. Now I feel like I must watch it. I will try not to eat any Bon Bons or Goobers while I am there... :)

  2. Yeah, let me know how it is if you see it!